I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
