The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
