if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
