he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
