i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
