I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
