I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
