I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
