I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
just found out that she named her cat after me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
