Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
