I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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