how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
