i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
