I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
