I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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