i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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