Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
