Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
