You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
