If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
