If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
