Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
