You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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