Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
