Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
