Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
