felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
