And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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