just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
