I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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