I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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