It's like a parade of train wrecks.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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