that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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