worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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