I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
