Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
