There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
