Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
