Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
