if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
