your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
