I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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