I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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