i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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