Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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