Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
