Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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