He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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