I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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