Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
