Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
