i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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