I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
A+ Viking dick
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