I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
