Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
