she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
