i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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