Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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