I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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