billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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