omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize