We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
